About me

I am a single mother of a beautiful and vivacious  little girl. I grew up in the Middle East and attended University in the US where I then decided to stay and not return home. If any of you are familiar with Middle Eastern culture, this is highly frowned upon.
To top it off I married a non-Muslim American (dun dun duuuuuun!) yeah… Things were dramatic and crazy for a while, but I’m truly lucky to have such an amazing and supportive family. Once everything calmed down and all was accepted I was ready to start a family of my own.
I was ready, but my spouse wasn’t as eager to take on this added responsibility. And like the naive girl that I was I didn’t let his lack of interest stop me.
Three years into the marriage I was happily with child. Ignoring all the red flags in my relationship. All the insults and the put downs, the fights and the arguments got put aside while I focused on being a supportive wife. But the worst part of my denial was the few instances of physical abuse, those I buried in the back if my mind not letting them surface to ruin the picture perfect marriage I was creating in my head. Those memories came back to me like a flood a year or so after my divorce, and to this day I am still shocked at my choice to stay with him for so long.

Fumbling through my 20’s…

Once I had my daughter though, I saw things in a completely new light. It was like a light bulb switched on and I could now see what was going on all along. When you have this helpless, beautiful lump of a thing to protect you can see and pinpoint direct threats. My threat and hers was sleeping in the bed next to me.

Needless to say I got a little wiser and stronger and did what I thought, and still think, is in the best interest of my child and myself.
Things are good now. I’m back home, literally in the house I grew up in. My family have been there for me every step of the way and I am truly grateful for their support! My daughter is surrounded by love and is still in contact with her family in the US. No drama in the divorce process and we keep in “civil” touch.

Moving from USA to the Middle East

Anyhooooo’s, Adapting not Conforming… Here’s the rub. I left the Middle East because I could not stand the gendered double standards (funny if you think about it because I ended up with a jealous spouse with sexist tendencies). But my culture was too rigid for me and I felt so out of place here. After ten years in the US where I had the freedom to “find myself”, I am now experiencing major culture shock back home. I simply cannot conform. I cannot ignore what I know, what I’ve experienced and what I’ve become.

What do I do now? My solution so far has been to adapt. Adapting without compromising who I am. Even the white lies that are so intwined and ingrained in my culture do not sit well with me. I am trying to be myself while inflicting minimal cultural offenses. This is hard for me because sometimes I do not know when to keep my mouth shut. But it’s a process non-the-less and I am going to brave through it…

This blog is a way for me to share my experiences, thoughts and progress. I hope my writings and ramblings can help others dealing with similar dilemmas.